Thursday, November 08, 2007

i jus donno y..i really donno y..(sigh)

my aunt really crazy le..nt in tat sense of siao..is tat..she last time was so into buddisht thingy..everytime will saw her go many temple to pray..or go house tat r doing some weekend praying de..den she will like also go to temple to pray when the goddess guanyin's bday..she was like really into it..she will also tell us alot of things like we muz b good..if nt the deity in the sky will punish us..

n now..she was like 360degree change loh..she nw don believe in chinese prayer thingy...she nw believe in jesus..(anyway, no offend to anyone...it's jus some of my thinking)...she toks abt jesus things..tok abt jesus help her find job...gosh..it's jus coincidence..WTH...

last time she so don like to tok abt jesus..but nw..open mouth jesus..so mum jus say aunt really 走火入魔...last time say deity help her won lottery..den nw she say tat time car accident goddess guanyin nv help...WTH...i was in the car at tat time...i think we r lucky liao loh...the bus jus hit the car number..if hit the whole car..i think we alrdy...erm...ahem..touch wood...

n my mum was like angry abt it...becos she think tat aunt has change...n she think tat both of them hv nth in common le...WTH...wat's wrong for believing in jesus??!!..it's nth de wat..jus different belief only wat...so y say until like tat sia??...i tot they two very close sister..nw like turn over face loh..from sister become foes like tat..gosh...lucky i nt tat into any of tis kinda things..if nt i sure like tis also...

sigh

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i'm stress...i feel like putting pressure on myself..or pressure jus keep on finding me...making me so stress..

i stress abt my o lvl exam, my family, money problem, health, job, sch...although i din show out..i'm stress..i'm tired...i ate quite a lot of panadol...so headache...i scare i din do well in o lvl...i m jus a failure..on my previous many post, i say i don wan to b a failure..but it seem like failure is who i m ba...(sigh)...

my family is nt like last time le..no more happiness..feel so lonely..everyone is jus doing things for their own good..dad, was like a stranger to us..we did nt tok to him much..one day can even don tok..mummy was like hving some pobia...jus becos sis n me everytime will b frustrated if we cant find our things...n sis will throw things..n mess up the whole place...so jus nw mummy told me tat..she really scare...she will jus went downstair n wait for sis to went out den she come back...y things happen??...last time she wont like tis de...gosh...我有責任的...(sigh)..stress..they r so near to me...we live in one house...so near yet so far...our feelings to each other r so cold..we feel like 最熟悉的陌生人...stress

i still owe my mum $1000 plus...n bro $200...n nw i still wanna quit my job...so i was like standing on a fence donno wat to do...i wanna quit but still need to earn money to return to them...gosh...i really donno wat to do...is nt i don wanna quit...is nt tat i will miss the staff at there..is i really need money to return my mum n bro...although mum say don need to return her yet..everytime when tok abt money...she will take tis as an excuse...saying i owe her so much still take money from her...therefore i really stress man...

i really stress...i cry many times...i donno y i cry...but tears jus roll down when i close myself in a 密閉空間...my mind keep on thinking abt everyone...thinking abt every problem i'm facing nw..i try to make myself awake..jus becos i don wish to b alone in the bedroom...i'm really tired..doctor wan me to quit my job..so tat i can hv more time for my own n time for slp...but she donno how stress i m if i don hv job...

nw...i kinda hving difficulties in my sch studies...although there's frienz helping me...there's still sometime i don wanna disturb them too much...i don wan them to find me irritating...sigh...

i'm tired n stressful...

i'm happy outside...

but inside, i'm not...

i'm jus like a two face person...

i'm happy infront of everyone...

but whenever i gt down the bus..

walking home...

i feel sad...

nobody noe...i don wish to tell anyone...cos they hv their own problems too...

so all i can tell is my blog...

if i don say out nw...i think i will nt see tml...

hope i hv

tml....

i think...

love evil ;;
8:24 PM <3